I got in.

I got a phone call from the director of admissions at the University of Chicago on Tuesday. Since my phone was upstairs and I was not and have learned from experience that I can never make it in time, I let it go to voicemail. She was calling to "discuss the status of my application" with me and asked me to call her back.

Honestly, I was a little heartbroken. I probably didn't meet the requirements and she was calling to let me know what qualifications I was missing or that I was going to be put on a waiting list. I called her back fully expecting bad news.

So when she told me that she "would like to offer me admission to the School of Social Service Administration" I got a little overwhelmed and cried silently. Only I'm pretty sure she could tell and I felt like I could somehow hear her smiling on the other end.

Another dream

4. I drove to Grand Valley for the day so that i could be there for a festival. The entire park of Cedar Point was in the section of grass at GV next to Kirkoff- the same location where they are proposing to build the new library. (Which they've been promising since my freshman year. I've graduated and it still isn't built...which is an entirely different rant altogether.) I got there and was excited to ride the roller-coasters so I got on my favorite (which in real life is the Maverick, but this was something else.) It started raining really hard so the ride was shut down when I was on it. But the "emergency track" that our train took to get us down was even scarier than the original roller coaster. It plummeted straight toward the earth and I felt my stomach drop. After I got off the ride I looked for a friend who I know works at CP during the summers. I didn't find him...but I did find another old friend. In real life I finally got up the nerve to give up on this friend a year or two ago. I've tried staying in touch...but if the effort isn't mutual I don't understand why I should make myself stress about it. Anyway, in the dream this friend starting giving me some sob story about why she didn't stay in touch. And by 'sob story' I mean that she was literally sobbing. But I didn't care. I knew she was lying and didn't accept her apology.

I woke up angry, but without any guilt.

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I think the hardest thing about being away from GV is that when something bad happens to one of my friends, I can't rush over to there place to physically be there for them.

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Today's "Things that make Megan smile list":

When one of your best buddies from high school is dating the bartender at the local bar, you get free drinks! Hooray for free things! Especially since I'm broke!

See also: the soundtrack to Avenue Q:

Dreams

I'm not used to being able to remember my dreams. There was rarely a day that I could say that I had gotten a healthy amount of sleep the night before and as such I always slept in until the last minute, when I would then sprint through my morning shower. 

When my friends started the new semester, I started drifting on a sea of restlessness and anxiety. Honestly, I'm fustrated with myself and my self-esteem has been the lowest it has ever been in the last 3 years. I can only think of one up-side to my situation. As Harry says in When Harry Met Sally, "The good thing about depression is that you get plenty of rest." Because I've been waking up without an alarm clock everyday I'm remembering my dreams vividly, which is somewhat of a new experience for me. 

So without further adieu, a list of my dreams: (which unlike Harry, thankfully don't include a dream of my mother as an East German judge scoring my lovemaking abilities at the Olympics).

1. My AB group and I were at a restaurant and were all wearing formal gowns and tuxes. It was awesome to be dressed up. I wanted to order chicken cordoun bleu. I was annoyed that it wasn't on the menu, but there was an option in which I could get 19 spices of my choice on my chicken. I decided to go with that, but I didn't know 19 spices...so I had the waiter pick the spices and then the wine for me. 

2. I was at a halloween festival (or something- maybe a renissance fair?...either way, there were costumes) w/ my AB pals. I ran into and hung out with a friend from work at home. A 12-year old fortune teller told my fortune from a deck of tarot cards and even though what she said ran true and scared me, I declared that it was bullshit. When I got back to my group they had made a game which involved running and knocking blocks down. I didn't understand the rules and despite the fact that I asked what they were many times nobody would tell me. (Now that I live 2 and 1/2 hours away from these amazing new friends, you don't need to be a psychoanaylist to guess which fear of mine this reflects). The next part of the dream involved an AB pal's tongue down another's throat and is an image I don't enjoy picturing. 

3. I think another involved chicken too. 

I guess just because I remember them for the half hour after I wake up, it apparently is no gaurentee that I will remember them when I go to write them down.