In the beginning of 2009 When I had just graduated, moved back home, only worked part time and had an almost nonexistent social life, I had pulled the first version of the Sims out to pass some time. I haven't touched the game since. Tonight I started reading Chuck Klosterman's " Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" and he talks about the Sims in one of his short stories, so about 3 hours ago I found myself wrapped in my new blue snuggie digging for it again.

When I logged back on I saw that "Meej and Puhtay Bowenessy" were already living in a two story mansion, complete with teleporter, indoor pool and GINORMOUS balconies off each of their master bedroom suites. I decided they needed neighbors.

"WesBob Merrymick" now lives next door. He has a goatee and wears a white dress shirt and tie everyday, which I figured would be proper OfficeMax attire. I think he looks particularly dashing his his tux, but he almost always refuses to change into his formal wear when asked and will often disobey by changing into his swimsuit and swimming in his house's moat. Which I can't really blame him for. I mean, I built the guy a swimming pool moat. He is also fond of dancing in his stripper's cage.

I was particularly please when Meej and Puhtay came over and, after exchanging a few pleasanties with WesBob, helped themselves to his pool and food, as would probably be the case in real life.

"Marquis New-hof" literally lives in a maze. Marquis and his guests must make their way through the narrow, dark, confusing hallways in order to find the bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen. Their survival depends on their sense of direction.

No matter how hard I try, Marquis and Puhtay just don't seem to hit it off. They loving talking about money symbols and sailboats, but whenever Marquis throws in a bit of tickling or flirting into the mix, it doesn't end well. Neither of them is going to get any action anytime soon. Which is odd, since they're so comfortable with each other. I mean, they don't mind pissing in front of each other for Christ's sakes, which according to Klosterman is "an experience that's light-years more intimate than most kinds of oral sex."

"Lah-Say Pooper", Marquis's other next-door neighbor, lives without any walls. All of her possessions, which are all bright neon colors, lay upon a square piece of bright purple carpet that's decorated with rugs shaped like daisies. One corner of her property has a fir tree forest. Another has a cherry tree forest. A third has a forest made of helium balloons. A romantic stone bench overlooks her giant pond where ducks, frogs and other creatures live.

Lah-Say decided that she wanted to throw a party and invited all of her neighbors over. It was a rip-roaring good time. They all blew bubbles, danced to Lay-Say's stereo, and talked. I took pictures captioned "Lah-Say's first party" and "Who invited this mime?! Seriously, nobody's paying attention to him at all."

Lah-Say had a lot to clean up after all of her friend left. She was just cleaning up the last of the deflated helium balloon forest when her stove caught on fire! She tragically died instantly, and because she did not have any family members living with her, and she didn't have a fire alarm because there was no wall to mount it on, the fire department never came. Everything except the toilet burnt to the ground.

The last picture in Lah-Say's album is of her catching on fire and is captioned "FUCK."

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

I'm a little more than 100 pages into this book, and it's already one of my favorites. Some of my favorite parts:

"I stood on the bed, pointed my fingers at the fake stars, and screamed: 'I changed the course of human history!' 'That's right.' 'I changed the universe!' 'You did.' 'I'm God!' 'You're an atheist.' 'I don't exist!' I feel back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together."

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living."

Normally I never read for fun during the school year, but for some reason I've already gone through two books this semester despite the fact that I have more than 400 textbook pages to read a week. This is one of the quotes I liked from "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society", which I just finished.

"That's what I love about reading: one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and that tiny thing will lead you onto another book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book. It's geometrically progressive- all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment."

You've Got Mail

I may have already quoted this, but:

Joe Fox: Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away, you zing them? "Hello, it's Mr Nasty." I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Kathleen Kelly: No, I know exactly what you mean, and I'm completely jealous. What happens to me when I'm provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence?
[stops and thinks]
Kathleen Kelly: Nothing. Even now, days later, I can't figure it out.
Joe Fox: Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we'd both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.

...I'm never going to be able to find a balance between the two, am I?

3 most commonly used phrases said during Caitlin and Megan's Europe trip, 2009:

• Pretty sweet actually. (Said in a high pitched voice with a lisp)
• I'm sorry, I only speak English.
• Is this real life?!

Our trip was beautiful, hilarious and oftentimes incredibly strange and surreal. It was one hell of an adventure. Right now I'm drinking sparkling mineral water and wondering how my friends on the other side of the pond are doing; I feel odd thinking this way, but I miss them and their voices already. Since we finished our 26 hours of traveling on Monday (our flight from Chicago to Detroit was cancelled and we spent a solid 7 or 8 hours in O'Hare exhausted and unshowered; I tried to sleep on a bench and I'm sure I sort of looked and smelled like a hobo) I feel slightly narcoleptic, and therefore completely unmotivated to do anything at all. My family, Darrin and I moved all my furniture and heavy things to school on Tuesday but other than that and trying to sort utilities and my health insurance out, I haven't really done anything on my "get ready for school to-do list" or even called any of my good friends to seriously catch up. I'm too tired to make the effort.

Hopefully I feel more energized and motivated tomorrow. Also, I need to start watching my health habits closer. I gained an impressive amount of weight for only being in Europe for 3 weeks...not that I regret it at all though. I ate and drank to my heart's content over there, as one should when they are having the time of their life. Moose meat, caviar, flat bread, sjokade, chocolates, coffees, kebob, sour cream porridge, a shit ton of different kinds of beers, ciders and liquors...sheep's head (including the tongue and eyes!). You can't hold back when you have any opportunity to try something new.

It's also really weird that I haven't even gotten over the jet-lag and I'm watching Anthony Bourdian's new Thailand episode with a feeling of jealousy and travel lust that is just as strong as it was before I left.

Europe Itinerary

I fly to London on Monday morning, the 27th and I'm going to be staying with Olivia and her family about 20 min from downtown. I'm sure our days are going to consist of Olivia asking us what we want to do that day and trying to come up with a plan the night before or the day of and basically flying by the seat of our pants in normal Olivia style. I'm so excited.

We're flying on RyanAir to Ireland on the 28th to visit Sophie. In her words, we're going to:

28th June
arrive dublin 22.55pm
depart dublin 23.20pm
arrive derry 02.45am - picked up by the soph
arrive mullach dubh approx 4am!! SLEEP!!!

29th June
TBA by the soph - wont make it hectic, probably go beaches and what not,little bit of a drinky poo and dinner in sophs pub!

depart mullach dubh 12.30am
arrive letterkenny 1.30am
depart letterkenny 1.45am
arrive dublin 5.10am
depart dublin 8.00am

My boss, who's from Ireland, tells me that Derry is pronounced so it ryhmes with John Kerry.


Then we'll be in London until the morning of the 2nd and then we fly to Oslo to visit Morten, Sindre, Invilgd and Merethe. And we'll see Ann too! We're also going to make day-trips to Sweden and Denmark! This is Morten's schedule for "Megan and Caitlins awesome scandalnavia trip 2009":

Søndag 02: Arrival, hugging, meeting people, gettin settled in our flat, eating (morten cooking/BBQ), maybe a walk in oslo, beers

Mandag 03: Oslo: Soccer match, museums and stuff

Tirsdag 04: Long ass drive to Molde, with many pitstops where the view is awesome

Overnight stay and in a fine ass hotel in Molde
little less than 40 bucks per head.

website: http://www.alexandra.no/

Onsdag 05: Long ass drive to Stanghelle (my home town) with many pitstops where the view is awesome

Torsdag 06: Beeeeergen

Fredag 07: Boattrip in stanghelle/ soccer cup

Lørdag 08: VOSS and soccercup. BEEEERS and crazy norwegian (hillbilly) party

Søndag 09: Long ass drive to oslo

Mandag 10: Cruise to Copenhagen

Tirsdag 11: Random shit in Copenhagen

Onsdag 12: Cruise to Oslo

Torsdag 13: Short ass drive to Strømstad (sweden) or whatever you want..

Fredag 14: Øya Festival?

Lørdag 15: Whatever M&C want

Søndag 16: Sad goodbye


Morten had me laughing out loud reading this. Especially since it's making me more and more excited to go. This is going to be beyond awesome.

EXCITED!

I've been in an odd mood lately. Not necessarily in a bad mood, but because of the absolutely ridiculous drama that's been going on at work, I haven't had much to laugh or smile about lately.

Usually when it's been a while since I last laughed, Puhtay and I pick up and got as far the fuck away from Jackson as we can during my day off. And although our mini-adventures only take us as far as Ann Arbor or Detroit, each trip lifts my spirit like a vacation would, and I'm able to face whatever is going on at work with a renewed sense of optimism (or bemusement, depending on the seriousness of the situation).

Puhtay and I haven't run away in a while and I was missing it. And I know that she would like to run away sometime soon too.

Today she met Mom and I in Jackson while we ran errands: new bedsheets, a father's day gift...that kind of thing. I also got to go shopping for clothes for a little bit, because I would really like some fashionable attire for when I go to Europe in 38 days (not that I'm counting or anything ;-)

As Mom and I drove away from Puhtay, she said, "Puhtay is a true friend, isn't she?"

Yep. And even though we only spent an hour or two together today, just the knowledge that I have someone like that in my life lifted my spirits again.

Another thing that cheered me up: spending time with my Mom. She would work until 4, and I would have to leave for work at 3:30 everyday, so even though we live in the same house, our paths barely crossed. It was nice to tell her about all that's been going on and I'm pumped that she's finished working at the school for the summer.

ALSO, today was Lizzy's 21st birthday, so I got to hang out with her, Justin, Brad, Caitlin and Darrin. I especially haven't seen Brad since December, and I was so pumped to hang with everybody and experience the old dynamic that we used to have.

"Laughter is the best medicine" is such a horrible sounding cliche, but it's true. Just laughing (and drinking) a lot tonight has made me excited about life again...my future career, moving to Grand Rapids in the fall, seeing London and Norway and my old friends that live there...I got to put all the frustrating stuff in perspective and realize that I have so much to look forward to.

This is a video I took of Brad and Justin two or three years ago. It may be only funny to us. But we think it's hilarious.

Bread eating contest

I had the best "morning"

Today I slept in today until 11 o'clock. After drinking a cup of coffee and eating a free cinnamon Panera bagel that I'd brought home from work, I decided to read out in the sun for a few hours. We have these great big trees in our yard (which I noticed today is rare for homes on Lake Columbia), so the only part of our yard that the sun can reach is the dock. Because it was a weekday, I was only sharing the lake with the blue gills that were seeking refuge from the sun under the shade of our dock and the occasional carp that threw itself into the air. I finished two books (I had already been really close to finishing both of them), closed my eyes for a while and thought about how my skin always seems to smell good when it's warmed* by the sun.

*Now that I realize I'm red all over, this word could be changed to "burnt" for more accuracy. Why didn't I put sunscreen on today?! I'm usually really good at remembering to put it on.

A family of swans came to visit me, thinking that I would have food for them. Because of the angle that they had come, I couldn't leave the dock without stepping closer to the baby swans. Swans can be very violent if they think you're threatening their young, so my heart started racing when the adults would hiss at me each time I started trying to leave the dock. But they wouldn't leave because they still thought that I would feed them! I was basically stuck on the dock until Dad noticed and came running over with a stick trying to intimidate them. When they hissed at him he hissed back.

Okay, so I guess that wasn't a great part of the morning. Anyway...

Afterward Dad and I took out the sea-doo for the first time this year. It was literally covered in dust from winter storage. When the sun is shining bright enough you can see vibrant rainbows in the spray whenever you make a relaxed turn. I was covered in goosebumps from the cold water. I kept looking at the architecture from the homes and then reflected on how I think about things differently from when I was younger. I've ridden by those homes countless times and have only now started to notice them in the last few years.

There wasn't anything particularly special about this morning, except that it seemed so picturesque and was so relaxing. It was the perfect thing I needed before I headed into work this afternoon.

Edit: I just went the bathroom and realized that my legs are burnt too. Except I sat in an up-right chair and must have had my legs crossed, left over right, the entire time because you can totally tell that's what I did from the burn. It makes me laugh.

Whoa, random lists.

Recent Hennessey family news:

• Turns out the Rock fetus, previously known as "the pebble", is sporting some manhood between its little legs and from now on will be known as Anthony.
• Dad's company is sending him on a business trip to France and Germany in July, and they're having Mom go too!
• Kong and I are in the process of booking flights to Norway and England. The Hennessey family is all about international travel this year, apparently.
• I got my acceptance letter to GV, and the intensity of our downtown Grand Rapids apartment hunt is going to increase very dramatically this week.

Recent baking adventures:

• Chocolate pie for Mother's day. Mom LOVED IT.
• Orange creamsicle cookies (I've made these twice now...they taste JUST like an orange creamsicle. The second time turned out better because I added more flour and eggs)
• Butterscotch fudge cookies. Really good, but I'm using less vegetable oil next time-they were a bit on the greasy side.

Things I've eaten today:

• Two leftover enchiladas that Mom made and 2 cokes.
• That's it.
• I'm I complaining? NO. God, I love Mexican food!

Things I've spent money on in the last few months:

• Books
• Lattes
• Gas
• Zoo admission
• Treasures I've found at flea markets and thrift stores

Rainy Monday afternoon

"Why do they stay/go back?" is the question that most people (family, friends, strangers) ask me after I tell them I work in a Domestic Violence shelter. I think that this is the best answer. It's important to not lay the blame on the victim, which is easy to do. The abuser has committed a crime. Less people understand that then you'd think.

And a lot don't understand that the definition of rape is a lack of consent. It doesn't matter if you're married. It doesn't matter how you were dressed. Investigators should not be asking my client-a teenage rape victim- why she shaves her pubic hair if she wasn't planning on having sex with her assailant. Shit like that needs to change.

Lately I've been thinking that instead of working as a counselor of DV/SA victims after I get my MSW, I'd like to do some work with prevention. You know, educating the community about DV/SA and what constitutes a crime. We live in a culture in which the line is blurred sometimes. Example. And there are positions like this in each of the three DV shelters I've volunteered, interned and worked at who all have their MSWs. I think I would be good at it.

Hobbies that I've picked up over the last month:

• Baking (usually something with meringue)
• Reading
• Writing in the journal Puhtay gave me for my birthday
• Geocaching
• Running. That's right, I typed running. Which is weird because I usually don't enjoy exercise. (Have I mentioned that I've lost 10 lbs since I graduated?)
  

Dreams I've had in the last week:

• I went on a SANE (sexual assault nurse examiner=collecting bodily forensic evidence after a sexual assault) call. I met the victim at a coffeehouse. It turned out to be my old neighbor who died this year. He gave me a huge hug. We ordered lattes and caught up.
  
• A mistake I made in real life lead to one of my client's murder by her assailant. I found out by reading it on the front page of the paper.
  
• My boss was testing me on aspects of my job. She was quizzing me with questions on flash cards. I did really well though.
  
• For some reason I had to watch movies on my night shift to screen for "appropriate content". I had to take notes. Which I thought was awesome until I accidently I fell asleep on the couch and slept through my shift.
  
• Somebody was geocaching in the shelter's parking lot in the middle of the night. I called the police and the poor people were arrested.
  

I've been making an effort to not worry about work when I'm off shift. I try to leave work stuff at work and not take it home with me. Apparently my mind has decided I need to process it sometime and takes the task upon itself when I'm sleeping. But really, my mind is probably just reflecting what I'm thinking during the day. I don't know. I kind of which they would stop.

Things I'm excited for:

• This summer.
• THE LAKE!
• Caitlin being home
  
• Adventures with GV friends
• High school friends coming home
• Helping Brandy and Matt fix up their new house
  

• This fall
• Living in and exploring downtown GR
  
• Living by most of my friends again and having a regular social life
  
• Living in an historical, charming appartment which my future roommate and I are bound to find somewhere in the Heritage Hill area
  
• Not working midnight shifts anymore. Although, I'm going to ask the shelter in GR if they want an on-call or float shelter worker.
  
• Being a student again. (I would be a student for the rest of my life if I could)

Books and adventures.

Books I've read in the last 2 months:

• Me Talk Pretty One Day-David Sedaris. My favorite Sedaris book so far because it made me laugh out loud the most.
• A Cook's Tour-Anthony Bourdian. Made my stomach growl constantly. I've decided that it's necessary for me to try clams.
• You Must Be This Happy to Enter-Elizabeth Crane. Wierd and hilarous.
• I Was Told There Would Be Cake-Sloane Crosley. I feel like she and I could be friends. She's funny, but not as much as Sedaris and Crane.
• This I Believe. Essays from the NPR radio show of the same name.
• The Enemy Between My Legs-Stephanie L. Jones. She's speaking at an event in a few weeks (Take Back the Night rally) that the shelter has organized. Her book is about child sexual abuse and is okay...until she makes the argument that child sexual abuse causes homosexuality. It pissed me off and makes me concerned about her upcoming speech and how AWARE will be represented.
• Live Through This: Essays in Creativity and Self-Destruction-edited by Sabrina Chapadjiev. A collection of pieces from poets, writers, artists, photographers, playwrights, dancers, activists etc. about their creative and self-destructive tendencies (i.e. cutting, eating disorders). Really good.

I have two books that I requested from the library and am still waiting on and today I bought two other books (that I couldn't find in the library's catalog). I LOVE reading for fun again!

My dream trips/Adventures I want to have:

• Visit Sindre and the gang in Norway
• Visit Chelsea in Japan
• Visit Carrie in Uganda. Volunteer there for a few weeks.
• Visit Ryan in France
• Manchu Picchu
• Backpack Europe
• Thailand (honeymoon?)
• Back to Hungry Mother Park in VA with some of the AB Trails gang. (This might happen this summer!)
• White-water raft again (maybe this can happen in VA!)
• Take Dad somewhere for his retirement (Ireland?)
• NYC with Mom and Caitlin
• Australia's the only continent other than Antarctica that I don't have on this list...so I'm going to have to add it.

Many the Miles- Sara Bareilles

There's too many things I haven't done yet

There's too many sunsets I haven't seen

La Chureca and gender

Dead on.

Directions from GV

All I do these days is work at night and sleep during the day, so when Rachel and Markus offered to pick me up on Friday, spend the night in Rachel's hometown and spend Saturday at Splash Village in Frankenmuth, I asked a co-worker to switch me hours right away. I'm excited- I really need a bit of fun. These are the directions that I gave them:

134 mi – about 2 hours 25 mins

Fun fact: You're going to cross Grand River a ton of times. It follows me almost all the way home. Road trip game: Count the number of times you cross it.

1. Head northeast on Campus Dr 0.1 mi
2. Turn right at S Campus Dr 0.8 mi
3. Turn right at Lake Michigan Dr/M-45 9.4 mi
4. Merge onto I-196 E via the ramp to Lansing 5.9 mi
5. Merge onto I-96 E 68.7 mi. I highly recommend stopping in Portland, exit 77 Grand River Ave. for any bathroom needs. Very clean bathrooms. This is the longest leg of the trip. Road trip game: Should Megan cut her hair chin length again, or grow it out? Discuss.
6. Take exit 106A to merge onto US-127 S toward Jackson 29.4 mi. A little more than an hour left!
7. Take the exit onto I-94 E toward Detroit 3.6 mi. You'll go under a bridge and the exit is just yards past it. I think this ramp is annoying. It feels too short.
8. Take exit 142 to merge onto US-127 S toward Hudson 11.3 mi Art Moehn Chevorlet is on the left a little before this exit. That's where my dad worked for about 6 months my freshman year. ...Isn't this tour fun?
9. Turn left at Jefferson Rd 2.6 mi. It's a stoplight. Gas station on the corner. Jefferson road is where I hit a deer last year on Thanksgiving weekend. Please don't hit a deer. It isn't fun.
10. Turn right at Hayes Rd 1.8 mi. St. Rita's church will be on the corner. That's where my sister and I went to catechism class. You'll pass through Clark Lake golf course where my sister had golf practice in high school. She was MVP of the varsity team her freshman year. She and
Dad really enjoy the sport. Mom and I don't have the patience for it and get bored. Isn't this entertaining to learn? There will be a quiz.
11. Turn left at Somerset Dr 0.6 mi. A yellow house with green shutters will be on on the corner. I know that it sounds pretty, but it definitely isn't.
12. Turn left at Archwood Ln 472 ft. It's a dirt road. If you don't find it right away keep going. People always call me thinking they must have already gone the 0.6 miles but they have not. The street sign is usually blocked by a pine tree.
13. Turn left at Archwood Circle. The road is a literal circle and we're directly on the other side so if you want to turn right that's ok too. I enjoy switching it up.

140 Archwood Cir Brooklyn, MI 49230
Left of a shared driveway, tall gray house.

Elaboration

My sister was really surprised that I put that "11. The thought of being tied down to a husband and family doesn't sound appealing to me at all" on my last post and ever since then it feels like that's all I've been thinking about. I didn't write that I don't want a husband someday. Because I do. And I didn't write that I don't want kids. Because I do. It's just...I've got so much shit to do and places to see first. In the past month I have learned of so many of my friends' pregnancies and engagements and each time all I keep thinking is that I don't see myself wanting to settle down in any reasonable amount of time.

I finished reading "You Must Be This Happy to Enter" by Elizabeth Crane, which is full of fictional, bizarre and hilarious short stories. For example, one is about Betty the zombie, who goes on a Lifetime reality show to live with other women with "issues" (such as overeating, overspending etc.) so they can tackle their problems together. (I was laughing out loud when Betty shares her sexual experiences and how she feels hurt that her husband doesn't want her as often since she became a zombie. She suspects it this might be caused by a culmination of "little" things like her rotting flesh and sudden desire to eat humans.)

Anyway, I was really surprised by the last story of the book called "Promise", in which the narrator lists all the things she promises to do as a parent for her adoptive child. The review on Amazon says that the narrator lists how she is going to be a perfect parent, but I think this is incredibly inaccurate as the narrator lists both positive and negative results of her parenting. I'm convinced that it isn't fictional at all.

"If you are a girl and you kiss a boy in first grade, I will refer you to your father. If you kiss a boy your senior year of high school and it sucks, I will tell you it gets better later. If you are a boy and you kiss a girl ever, I will first tell you how not to become a jerk down the line and it might be obvious that I've had some issues and then I will refer you to your father. If you are a boy and you want to kiss boys or if you are a girl and you kiss a girl in tenth grade and it rocks your world, I will say Right on, even though you will tell me that people have stopped using that phrase. I will tell you about the birds and the bees with plenty of advanced notice, but I will not involve any birds and bees in this story.

...I will try to stay out of your love life, but I will urge you to practice the safe sex I do not want to hear details about, ever. And if your girlfriend calls you names or your boyfriend hits you, I will kick their fucking asses down the stairs and out the door."

That piece and the fact that I've been folding and organizing donated baby's clothes whenever I get a chance to escape to the attic at the shelter have made it easy for me to brainstorm and daydream about how I would treat my own children.

My kids will be so super-styley. I'll probably dress my children in little sweaters and congratulate myself on my amazing sense of taste even though it's almost impossible to dress toddlers badly since they will look cute no matter what. I will take my kids and their older cousins to the library at least once a month. All of them will probably have brown hair and eyes because that's what all Bomholt kids look like no matter what the in-law's appearance. Yelling indoors will not be tolerated but they will be encouraged to laugh loudly and often. I will answer every question they ask and tell them they should never be embarrassed to ask questions because it's the best way to learn. When they're 11 and they want to know what "blow-job" means they will hopefully feel comfortable enough to ask me about it like I did with my mom. We will spend whole afternoons together carving pumpkins or coloring or dying eggs or making valentines. We will bake and drive around to deliver the goodies to our friends and the local domestic violence shelter. My kids will travel. They will volunteer. They will understand that we're damn lucky to have a roof over our heads and food in our pantry. They will understand concepts like "social equality" from an earlier age than most. Their mom won't do all the stereotypical "women's chores" and their dad won't do all of the stereotypical "man's chores".

Man, I would be a kick-ass mom.

Courage

I like my job so far. However, I really dislike my hours. Three shifts of midnight to 8 am. UGH. I don't think that I would mind the hours as much except that it really sucks to have zero human interaction (Except for on the crisis line, which I don't want to ring because that means somebody is at least in enough crisis that they feel they need to speak to someone in the middle of the night) while the residents are sleeping.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." - quote in the office at the shelter that I've come to really like.

18 of my 25 facebook things: (Stored here until I finish it. Which might not happen.)

1. I have curved pinkies. (so do Mom and Caitlin)

2. I get nervous when I'm about to talk to strangers on the phone. I have no problem talking to them face-to-face.

3. I don't believe in karma or that "everything happens for a reason." The world is way too fucked up for that to be true and bad shit happens to good people.

4. I'm happiest when I'm traveling or experiencing something new.

5. I have a habit of un-doing my belt before I even make it into the bathroom. I have to consciously remind myself not to do this in public.

6. I bite my lip and the inside of my cheeks.

7. I feel like I fall down more than the average person.

8. When I was little I used called Caitlin "Cay-in" because I couldn't pronounce the "T".

9. Mom took me to a speech therapist when I was 3 because I hardly spoke. He concluded that I could speak just fine and that I just decided not to.

10. I had a terrible freshman year of college. I had an amazing junior and senior year.

11. The thought of being tied down to a husband and family doesn't sound appealing to me at all.

12. AB was the best thing I did in college. No contest.

13. Marching band and being drum major were the funnest things I did in high school.

14. My feet are flat and almost always sore. My left arch is so much higher than my left that there is a half-size difference between their shoe sizes. This makes shoe shopping annoying.

15. I love coffee and chocolate. And somehow they taste the best when I have both.

16. I've come to really love hiking over the past few years.

17. I love school and being a student and would do it for the rest of my life if I could.

18. My sister and I each have such a great relationship with our mom that it's sort of wierd.

Up.

I'm trying to stay awake for a while so that I can actually sleep in tomorrow and feel less nervous about being able to stay awake during my midnight to 8 am shift tomorrow night.

1. Do you like blue cheese? I don't think I've ever tried it actually.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Right. No.
3. Do you own a gun? Oh sure, you know me.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? I don't get a 'flavor' and I get a different drink each time.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No, unless there's a rational reason for me to be nervous, like a few summers ago when I had an ultra-sound thingy to check what my boobie-lump was. I mean, I knew I was young and the chances of it being malignant was very slim but before the test results came back I freaked out a little inside. Oh! I do have a hard time relaxing during gyno appointments...but that's more of a 'during' thing than 'before'. And probably TMI.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I am pro-hot dogs. I just try to block out the mental image I have of the pureed meat...
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Um...Elf? I'm not really a fan of X-mas movies I suppose.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee. Two splenda.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My silver ring I wear on my right middle finger almost everyday. It says "Be the change you wish to see in the world". (Gandhi) I was so excited when I found it because it's quite possibly my favorite quote ever.
11. Favorite hobby? Reading. I am open to new ideas though. Now that I'm back in Brooklyn my social life has decreased more than significantly and I need something else to keep me busy. I found a piano keyboard that was really cheap on Craigslist though, so I might give pecking around again a shot.
12. Do you have A.D.D? No.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? This is a hard question and it's too late.
14. Middle name? Sue.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: My eyes are droopy. My bed will be nice and warm tonight now that the electric blanket is plugged in properly. I like this song...it's catchy!
16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Chinese food with Carrie, brown flats and dressy denim trousers for work. Those are the first things I've bought in a loooong time. Hoorah for getting paid today!
17. Name 3 things you drink daily: Water, lemonade, and coffee.
18. Current worry? Tomorrow's midnight shift. Grad school expenses.
19. Current hate? Assailants of domestic ans sexual violence victims.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I spent it with Puhtay, Sarah, Steve and Bill. We played boardgames, drank champagne and toasted at midnight. It was the first New Year's midnight I had that I wasn't feeling furious in 3 years.
21. Where would you like to go? EVERYWHERE. Please, let's go.
22. Name three people who will complete this? Nobody.
23. Do you own slippers? Caitlin got me cute purple ones for Christmas. I love them actually.
24. What shirt are you wearing? My green AB site leader hoodie. It's the most worn-in and therefore most comfortable thing I own.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I don't know. Sounds nice though.
26. Favorite color? Blue.
27. Could you be a pirate? I think I made a pretty good one at AB site leader retreat this year...I mean, I can dance like I have a peg leg and spell "ARR" by laying on the beach with other SLs, which are obviously essential pirating skills.
28. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower that often. I ALWAYS sing in the car though.
29. Favorite food? Chocolate. Ice cream. Sweets in general.
30. What's in your pocket right now? Nothing.
31. Last thing that made you laugh? Something on Chelsea Lately
32. Favorite sheets? The ones I have. I don't think I've ever thought about my sheets as much as I have during this survey.
33. Worst injury you have ever had? Only a stress fracture on my leg because my feet are flat- I was on crutches for 2 weeks my freshman year of high school. Lame. Does that even count?
34. Do you love where you live? I love my parents and I love this house. I miss my friends at GV though.
35. How many TVs do you have in your house? Oh my god. I was thinking about this the other day and how it's completely absurd...6. We only have 3 people living here!
36. Who is your loudest friend? Haha, Kong or Olivia.
37. How many dogs do you have? I've never had a dog. I always thought it would be cool to though.
38. Does someone have a crush on you? This question makes me realize how silly it was to waste this much time on this survey.
39. What is your favorite book(s) or author(s)? I've got a list on facebook. Right now I'm reading You Must Be This Happy to Enter by Elizabeth Crane.
40. What is your favorite candy? Zero. I think it's an almondy/carmel nugget covered in white chocolate. They're so good! Especially when they're frozen.
41. Favorite Sports Team? I generally don't enjoy watching sports.
42. What songs do you want sung at your funeral? Hahahaha, Another One Bites the Dust would be funny.
43. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Driving home from work.
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? WHY is work calling me at 7 am?!
45. Favorite place to be? Anywhere new, Home, GV

imploimint. ai haz it.

I had my interview at the AWARE shelter today, which was just an overall wierd experience. She called later and asked if I could come in tomorrow to start the paperwork and be at the weekly staff meeting. I'm a Shelter Advocate and I'm going to start out with a lot of third shifts (Midnight to 8 am).

I finally have something to do and I'm not going to be sitting around on my ass anymore. I should be thrilled, right? But I think part of me didn't want the job because it would have given me a good excuse to run away to Arizona or Alaska for adventurous but low-paying jobs.

I was thrilled about the possibility of this job before- why did that feeling vanish?


What I'm Looking For- Brendan Benson
Well I don't know what I'm looking for
But I know that I just want to look some more
And I won't be satisfied
'Till there's nothing left that I haven't tried

I got in.

I got a phone call from the director of admissions at the University of Chicago on Tuesday. Since my phone was upstairs and I was not and have learned from experience that I can never make it in time, I let it go to voicemail. She was calling to "discuss the status of my application" with me and asked me to call her back.

Honestly, I was a little heartbroken. I probably didn't meet the requirements and she was calling to let me know what qualifications I was missing or that I was going to be put on a waiting list. I called her back fully expecting bad news.

So when she told me that she "would like to offer me admission to the School of Social Service Administration" I got a little overwhelmed and cried silently. Only I'm pretty sure she could tell and I felt like I could somehow hear her smiling on the other end.

Another dream

4. I drove to Grand Valley for the day so that i could be there for a festival. The entire park of Cedar Point was in the section of grass at GV next to Kirkoff- the same location where they are proposing to build the new library. (Which they've been promising since my freshman year. I've graduated and it still isn't built...which is an entirely different rant altogether.) I got there and was excited to ride the roller-coasters so I got on my favorite (which in real life is the Maverick, but this was something else.) It started raining really hard so the ride was shut down when I was on it. But the "emergency track" that our train took to get us down was even scarier than the original roller coaster. It plummeted straight toward the earth and I felt my stomach drop. After I got off the ride I looked for a friend who I know works at CP during the summers. I didn't find him...but I did find another old friend. In real life I finally got up the nerve to give up on this friend a year or two ago. I've tried staying in touch...but if the effort isn't mutual I don't understand why I should make myself stress about it. Anyway, in the dream this friend starting giving me some sob story about why she didn't stay in touch. And by 'sob story' I mean that she was literally sobbing. But I didn't care. I knew she was lying and didn't accept her apology.

I woke up angry, but without any guilt.

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I think the hardest thing about being away from GV is that when something bad happens to one of my friends, I can't rush over to there place to physically be there for them.

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Today's "Things that make Megan smile list":

When one of your best buddies from high school is dating the bartender at the local bar, you get free drinks! Hooray for free things! Especially since I'm broke!

See also: the soundtrack to Avenue Q:

Dreams

I'm not used to being able to remember my dreams. There was rarely a day that I could say that I had gotten a healthy amount of sleep the night before and as such I always slept in until the last minute, when I would then sprint through my morning shower. 

When my friends started the new semester, I started drifting on a sea of restlessness and anxiety. Honestly, I'm fustrated with myself and my self-esteem has been the lowest it has ever been in the last 3 years. I can only think of one up-side to my situation. As Harry says in When Harry Met Sally, "The good thing about depression is that you get plenty of rest." Because I've been waking up without an alarm clock everyday I'm remembering my dreams vividly, which is somewhat of a new experience for me. 

So without further adieu, a list of my dreams: (which unlike Harry, thankfully don't include a dream of my mother as an East German judge scoring my lovemaking abilities at the Olympics).

1. My AB group and I were at a restaurant and were all wearing formal gowns and tuxes. It was awesome to be dressed up. I wanted to order chicken cordoun bleu. I was annoyed that it wasn't on the menu, but there was an option in which I could get 19 spices of my choice on my chicken. I decided to go with that, but I didn't know 19 spices...so I had the waiter pick the spices and then the wine for me. 

2. I was at a halloween festival (or something- maybe a renissance fair?...either way, there were costumes) w/ my AB pals. I ran into and hung out with a friend from work at home. A 12-year old fortune teller told my fortune from a deck of tarot cards and even though what she said ran true and scared me, I declared that it was bullshit. When I got back to my group they had made a game which involved running and knocking blocks down. I didn't understand the rules and despite the fact that I asked what they were many times nobody would tell me. (Now that I live 2 and 1/2 hours away from these amazing new friends, you don't need to be a psychoanaylist to guess which fear of mine this reflects). The next part of the dream involved an AB pal's tongue down another's throat and is an image I don't enjoy picturing. 

3. I think another involved chicken too. 

I guess just because I remember them for the half hour after I wake up, it apparently is no gaurentee that I will remember them when I go to write them down.