In the beginning of 2009 When I had just graduated, moved back home, only worked part time and had an almost nonexistent social life, I had pulled the first version of the Sims out to pass some time. I haven't touched the game since. Tonight I started reading Chuck Klosterman's " Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" and he talks about the Sims in one of his short stories, so about 3 hours ago I found myself wrapped in my new blue snuggie digging for it again.

When I logged back on I saw that "Meej and Puhtay Bowenessy" were already living in a two story mansion, complete with teleporter, indoor pool and GINORMOUS balconies off each of their master bedroom suites. I decided they needed neighbors.

"WesBob Merrymick" now lives next door. He has a goatee and wears a white dress shirt and tie everyday, which I figured would be proper OfficeMax attire. I think he looks particularly dashing his his tux, but he almost always refuses to change into his formal wear when asked and will often disobey by changing into his swimsuit and swimming in his house's moat. Which I can't really blame him for. I mean, I built the guy a swimming pool moat. He is also fond of dancing in his stripper's cage.

I was particularly please when Meej and Puhtay came over and, after exchanging a few pleasanties with WesBob, helped themselves to his pool and food, as would probably be the case in real life.

"Marquis New-hof" literally lives in a maze. Marquis and his guests must make their way through the narrow, dark, confusing hallways in order to find the bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen. Their survival depends on their sense of direction.

No matter how hard I try, Marquis and Puhtay just don't seem to hit it off. They loving talking about money symbols and sailboats, but whenever Marquis throws in a bit of tickling or flirting into the mix, it doesn't end well. Neither of them is going to get any action anytime soon. Which is odd, since they're so comfortable with each other. I mean, they don't mind pissing in front of each other for Christ's sakes, which according to Klosterman is "an experience that's light-years more intimate than most kinds of oral sex."

"Lah-Say Pooper", Marquis's other next-door neighbor, lives without any walls. All of her possessions, which are all bright neon colors, lay upon a square piece of bright purple carpet that's decorated with rugs shaped like daisies. One corner of her property has a fir tree forest. Another has a cherry tree forest. A third has a forest made of helium balloons. A romantic stone bench overlooks her giant pond where ducks, frogs and other creatures live.

Lah-Say decided that she wanted to throw a party and invited all of her neighbors over. It was a rip-roaring good time. They all blew bubbles, danced to Lay-Say's stereo, and talked. I took pictures captioned "Lah-Say's first party" and "Who invited this mime?! Seriously, nobody's paying attention to him at all."

Lah-Say had a lot to clean up after all of her friend left. She was just cleaning up the last of the deflated helium balloon forest when her stove caught on fire! She tragically died instantly, and because she did not have any family members living with her, and she didn't have a fire alarm because there was no wall to mount it on, the fire department never came. Everything except the toilet burnt to the ground.

The last picture in Lah-Say's album is of her catching on fire and is captioned "FUCK."