Courage

I like my job so far. However, I really dislike my hours. Three shifts of midnight to 8 am. UGH. I don't think that I would mind the hours as much except that it really sucks to have zero human interaction (Except for on the crisis line, which I don't want to ring because that means somebody is at least in enough crisis that they feel they need to speak to someone in the middle of the night) while the residents are sleeping.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." - quote in the office at the shelter that I've come to really like.

18 of my 25 facebook things: (Stored here until I finish it. Which might not happen.)

1. I have curved pinkies. (so do Mom and Caitlin)

2. I get nervous when I'm about to talk to strangers on the phone. I have no problem talking to them face-to-face.

3. I don't believe in karma or that "everything happens for a reason." The world is way too fucked up for that to be true and bad shit happens to good people.

4. I'm happiest when I'm traveling or experiencing something new.

5. I have a habit of un-doing my belt before I even make it into the bathroom. I have to consciously remind myself not to do this in public.

6. I bite my lip and the inside of my cheeks.

7. I feel like I fall down more than the average person.

8. When I was little I used called Caitlin "Cay-in" because I couldn't pronounce the "T".

9. Mom took me to a speech therapist when I was 3 because I hardly spoke. He concluded that I could speak just fine and that I just decided not to.

10. I had a terrible freshman year of college. I had an amazing junior and senior year.

11. The thought of being tied down to a husband and family doesn't sound appealing to me at all.

12. AB was the best thing I did in college. No contest.

13. Marching band and being drum major were the funnest things I did in high school.

14. My feet are flat and almost always sore. My left arch is so much higher than my left that there is a half-size difference between their shoe sizes. This makes shoe shopping annoying.

15. I love coffee and chocolate. And somehow they taste the best when I have both.

16. I've come to really love hiking over the past few years.

17. I love school and being a student and would do it for the rest of my life if I could.

18. My sister and I each have such a great relationship with our mom that it's sort of wierd.

Up.

I'm trying to stay awake for a while so that I can actually sleep in tomorrow and feel less nervous about being able to stay awake during my midnight to 8 am shift tomorrow night.

1. Do you like blue cheese? I don't think I've ever tried it actually.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Right. No.
3. Do you own a gun? Oh sure, you know me.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? I don't get a 'flavor' and I get a different drink each time.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No, unless there's a rational reason for me to be nervous, like a few summers ago when I had an ultra-sound thingy to check what my boobie-lump was. I mean, I knew I was young and the chances of it being malignant was very slim but before the test results came back I freaked out a little inside. Oh! I do have a hard time relaxing during gyno appointments...but that's more of a 'during' thing than 'before'. And probably TMI.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I am pro-hot dogs. I just try to block out the mental image I have of the pureed meat...
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Um...Elf? I'm not really a fan of X-mas movies I suppose.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee. Two splenda.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My silver ring I wear on my right middle finger almost everyday. It says "Be the change you wish to see in the world". (Gandhi) I was so excited when I found it because it's quite possibly my favorite quote ever.
11. Favorite hobby? Reading. I am open to new ideas though. Now that I'm back in Brooklyn my social life has decreased more than significantly and I need something else to keep me busy. I found a piano keyboard that was really cheap on Craigslist though, so I might give pecking around again a shot.
12. Do you have A.D.D? No.
13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? This is a hard question and it's too late.
14. Middle name? Sue.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: My eyes are droopy. My bed will be nice and warm tonight now that the electric blanket is plugged in properly. I like this song...it's catchy!
16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Chinese food with Carrie, brown flats and dressy denim trousers for work. Those are the first things I've bought in a loooong time. Hoorah for getting paid today!
17. Name 3 things you drink daily: Water, lemonade, and coffee.
18. Current worry? Tomorrow's midnight shift. Grad school expenses.
19. Current hate? Assailants of domestic ans sexual violence victims.
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I spent it with Puhtay, Sarah, Steve and Bill. We played boardgames, drank champagne and toasted at midnight. It was the first New Year's midnight I had that I wasn't feeling furious in 3 years.
21. Where would you like to go? EVERYWHERE. Please, let's go.
22. Name three people who will complete this? Nobody.
23. Do you own slippers? Caitlin got me cute purple ones for Christmas. I love them actually.
24. What shirt are you wearing? My green AB site leader hoodie. It's the most worn-in and therefore most comfortable thing I own.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I don't know. Sounds nice though.
26. Favorite color? Blue.
27. Could you be a pirate? I think I made a pretty good one at AB site leader retreat this year...I mean, I can dance like I have a peg leg and spell "ARR" by laying on the beach with other SLs, which are obviously essential pirating skills.
28. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower that often. I ALWAYS sing in the car though.
29. Favorite food? Chocolate. Ice cream. Sweets in general.
30. What's in your pocket right now? Nothing.
31. Last thing that made you laugh? Something on Chelsea Lately
32. Favorite sheets? The ones I have. I don't think I've ever thought about my sheets as much as I have during this survey.
33. Worst injury you have ever had? Only a stress fracture on my leg because my feet are flat- I was on crutches for 2 weeks my freshman year of high school. Lame. Does that even count?
34. Do you love where you live? I love my parents and I love this house. I miss my friends at GV though.
35. How many TVs do you have in your house? Oh my god. I was thinking about this the other day and how it's completely absurd...6. We only have 3 people living here!
36. Who is your loudest friend? Haha, Kong or Olivia.
37. How many dogs do you have? I've never had a dog. I always thought it would be cool to though.
38. Does someone have a crush on you? This question makes me realize how silly it was to waste this much time on this survey.
39. What is your favorite book(s) or author(s)? I've got a list on facebook. Right now I'm reading You Must Be This Happy to Enter by Elizabeth Crane.
40. What is your favorite candy? Zero. I think it's an almondy/carmel nugget covered in white chocolate. They're so good! Especially when they're frozen.
41. Favorite Sports Team? I generally don't enjoy watching sports.
42. What songs do you want sung at your funeral? Hahahaha, Another One Bites the Dust would be funny.
43. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Driving home from work.
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? WHY is work calling me at 7 am?!
45. Favorite place to be? Anywhere new, Home, GV

imploimint. ai haz it.

I had my interview at the AWARE shelter today, which was just an overall wierd experience. She called later and asked if I could come in tomorrow to start the paperwork and be at the weekly staff meeting. I'm a Shelter Advocate and I'm going to start out with a lot of third shifts (Midnight to 8 am).

I finally have something to do and I'm not going to be sitting around on my ass anymore. I should be thrilled, right? But I think part of me didn't want the job because it would have given me a good excuse to run away to Arizona or Alaska for adventurous but low-paying jobs.

I was thrilled about the possibility of this job before- why did that feeling vanish?


What I'm Looking For- Brendan Benson
Well I don't know what I'm looking for
But I know that I just want to look some more
And I won't be satisfied
'Till there's nothing left that I haven't tried